


10 things i hate about you

by friendlybomber



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alien Biology, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Hook-Up, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, cad bane has an alligator dick and youre gonna have to deal with it, no star wars curses we say fuck like men, post The Box, rako hardeen arc, rako hardeen!obi-wan, sorry babe the hat stays ON during sex, they HATE each other but they also wanna FUCK each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:41:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24850234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlybomber/pseuds/friendlybomber
Summary: Rako Hardeen is hot and competent, which ticks all of Cad Bane's boxes. Unfortunately, Bane fucking hates him.
Relationships: Cad Bane/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Cad Bane/Rako Hardeen
Comments: 19
Kudos: 159





	10 things i hate about you

They'd escaped the Box but a few hours ago. Cad Bane was tired. He'd spent most of his time afterward going over the plan for Naboo with Moralo Eval. It was late now, Bane was alone in his room, and he really just needed a shower and some shut eye.

But there was one loose end to tie up, and Bane hated loose ends. He kicked back from his desk, grabbing his hat, and made for Hardeen's room.

He hadn’t seen Hardeen since shortly after they'd left the Box. Even though he'd risked his neck for everyone, Hardeen didn’t seem too keen on actually socializing with the team.

Bane had been left alone stewing with his thoughts for hours. He was prepared for anything, but he hadn’t prepared for Rako Hardeen. Hadn’t anticipated that this cocky nobody would actually have the skills to back his reputation. Hadn’t guessed he'd be the only honorable bounty hunter in years. No matter which way Bane spun it, he couldn’t have guessed Hardeen would’ve proven himself.

That pissed him off. Hardeen _was_ cocky and he _was_ unwanted. But he was also capable and noble. At first, Bane had mistaken that nobility for a soft streak. Perhaps it _was_ softness. But it had saved Bane's skin several times over. Which was, plainly put, frustrating.

Bane _wanted_ to hate Hardeen. He _did_ hate Hardeen. But the one thing he hated more than Hardeen was how _else_ he felt about him.

He brought his fist to the door. For a few seconds, the reverberations echoed through the silence. Then, a pneumatic hiss, and the door opened.

Hardeen stood there looking confused. In the darkness his skin was gray. The curling form of his tattoo was a dark splotch above tired eyes, their color lost to shadow. He had shed his armor. He wore only a sleeveless undershirt and thin trousers.

Unlike Bane, he had clearly showered after their ordeal. He smelled fresh. Bastard. Bane gritted his teeth.

Hardeen frowned, arms crossed. "Bane?" His voice was scratchy with exhaustion.

Bane suddenly felt underprepared. It was a feeling he hated more than anything. He'd planned out exactly what he was going to say when he showed up thirsty at Hardeen's door, but seeing him now - tired, clean, on display - all clarity left his mind.

Hardeen was hot. What else could Bane say. It was frustrating and inconvenient, but it was true. He had muscular arms and a great ass and his shaved head was close enough to Bane's own species that it sort of worked for him. Of course, a pretty face didn’t mean much without skills to back it.

And Hardeen sure knew his way around... everything, apparently. He could even brain a man with his fists. Fucker.

Bane tipped his hat at Hardeen. "I never thanked you for helping me out back there," he said. "I owe you one."

Hardeen smirked. "You stepped in when Eval came for me. Consider us even."

Bane made an acknowledging noise in his throat. They stared at each other, an uncomfortable silence in the air. Hardeen's eyes flickered up and down. It wasn’t a lookover, not quite. He seemed to be trying to process this awkward situation.

"Was there-" Hardeen said hesitantly. "Was there something else you wanted?"

Bane nudged the brim of his hat out of his eyes. "Yeah. Just one thing."

He buried his fist in Hardeen's shirt. With a tug, he pulled the human so his face was tantalizingly close. Hardeen blinked in surprise. For a second, his eyes flickered to Bane's mouth.

"You better watch yourself," Bane growled. "I don’t wanna see any hesitation when we land on Naboo. If you needa take someone out, you do it. Understand?"

"I understand," Hardeen said, too sly for his own good. "Now, why are you _really_ here?"

Bane growled, tightening his fist. "Just making sure you won’t cripple us tomorrow."

Hardeen looked more amused than anything. "Is that why you’ve come? To tell blatant lies in the middle of the night?" When Bane narrowed his eyes, Hardeen continued, shooting another unsubtle look downward. "Or was there _another_ reason?"

It was the last moment to walk away. To swallow the tension and do this job and fuck off to the next one. Bane snarled, showing his fangs.

"You know why I'm here," he said, and he pressed his mouth to Hardeen's.

Bane had been with enough near-humans to know they expected kissing. Duros didn’t kiss, on account of not having lips, but there was something... gratifying about being close enough to Hardeen to smell him, to feel his breath hitch and relax. Hardeen kissed back, eyes closed, hands coming up to rest on Bane's chest.

Bane twisted him so his back bumped against the doorframe. Their mouths separated, and Hardeen grinned at Bane, his breath heavy.

"Took you long enough," Hardeen said.

Bane scowled. "What's that supposed to mean."

Hardeen just kept grinning, looking awfully pleased with himself. "As if I haven’t noticed you looking? Please, Bane. Give me some credit."

Bane growled, shoving Hardeen against the doorframe. He brought his mouth close to Hardeen's, hovering just above his lips to speak. "Shut up. Aren't you gonna invite me in?"

"Oh, fine," Hardeen sighed. "Don’t just stand there in the doorway for anyone to see. Make yourself comfortable."

Bane leaned in a fraction of an inch. He grinned when Hardeen parted his lips in expectation, taking a special pleasure in pulling away. Bane slinked further into the room, glancing around casually. It was nearly identical to Bane's, save the bed. A corner of the sheets was rolled back. Hardeen must have gotten out to answer the door.

Hardeen tapped his door closed. He followed Bane, taking his damn time in sauntering over. There was something familiar and infuriating in the way he sized Bane up. He rested his hand on Bane's hip and slid it up to his chest, wrapping himself in close.

"The bed's a little small to make myself comfortable," Bane said, curling his long fingers around Hardeen's shoulders. The muscle beneath was packed solid. Strong man.

"Standard issue, I'm afraid," said Hardeen. "We'll just have to make do with sharing."

"What makes you think I wanna share anything with you?"

"Well," he said, "we could always keep standing. But it's been a long day. Surely, you'd like to sit down, at least."

Bane considered Hardeen - that cocky tone of voice, the heat prickling off his body. It was undue confidence, and Bane didn’t care for it at all. Wouldn’t want Hardeen thinking _he_ was the one in charge here.

Bane pushed him. Hardeen staggered backwards onto the side of the bed, landing on his ass. He only had a second for a bemused smile before Bane climbed on top of him and straddled his waist.

"Yeah," Bane purred, placing both hands on Hardeen's cheeks in a Duros kiss. "I'd like that."

He leaned in to kiss him the way humans did. Hardeen pressed into the kiss, parting Bane's mouth with his tongue. A slight thrill went up Bane's spine. Kisses were take it or leave it, but this - this was good. It was even better when Hardeen nicked himself on Bane's fangs, and they both tasted iron.

Hardeen moved to push Bane away, biting experimentally at his own tongue. In doing so, he placed his hand on Bane's cheek. Bane instinctively nuzzled into it, closing his eyes. Hardeen paused, suddenly fixated.

"Never saw you as one for tenderness," Hardeen commented.

"Duros are sensitive there," Bane said.

"Oh, I see," Hardeen said, sounding mischievous. "I wish you had told me sooner."

He cupped Bane's face with both hands. Bane fought a gasp. His touch was firm but gentle - another demonstration of his unwavering control. Bane's skin buzzed pleasantly where Hardeen touched him. He imagined this must be how kissing felt to humans.

Hardeen kissed him again. He kept his hands on Bane's cheeks, occasionally stroking with his fingers. Every movement spiked Bane's pulse. It was heady and thrilling, the feeling of Hardeen's fingers so gently caressing the sides of his face. For what it was worth, Hardeen seemed to be enjoying the kisses exactly as much. His breath was ragged, his face flushed. There was a neediness to the way he moved against Bane, all pent-up desire and excitement.

He broke to catch his breath, tracing a single finger in a line to Bane's jaw. He pressed his nose against the corresponding part of Bane's face, panting.

"This must be how you felt kissing me," Hardeen gasped, parroting Bane's earlier thoughts. "I must admit it is... quite gratifying. Tell me, where else are you sensitive?"

Bane pressed Hardeen back into the bed, staring him down the entire time. With their chests pressed together, he could feel the labored rise and fall of Hardeen's breathing. He looked unkempt, out of control. It was a good look for him. He could stand to be knocked down a peg or two.

Laying like this, Bane felt a hardness near his legs. That was a concern for later. He ignored the pressure building in his own stomach, the vexing hallmark of enjoying this too much. After all, Hardeen had asked him a question. He was obliged to answer.

He took Hardeen's hands. He felt the same gravitas as when he held his blasters. These were instruments of destruction if he let them be, if he aimed them the right way. But he sure did love his damn job.

He guided them to the thin strips of skin beneath his eyes. As Hardeen's fingers brushed them, Bane sighed. This was such a delicate place, an intimate place, and Hardeen's touch was electric. Bane's olfactory organs were just below Hardeen's fingers. He could smell Hardeen's hands through his skin. The soap, the faint bite of grease. He closed his eyes against the overwhelming sensation.

"I see," Hardeen murmured. He sounded transfixed. He stroked outward toward Bane's temples, his touch light as air.

Bane couldn’t stand this mushy shit, so he tried to bite Hardeen's tongue out. Hardeen jolted, bracing against Bane and pressing hard beneath his eyes. Bane hissed, his vision suddenly white. He brought his teeth to Hardeen's neck. Hardeen moaned.

And so it went. Bane licked a delightful pattern of bruises across Hardeen's neck and jaw - nothing his armor wouldn’t hide, of course, but Bane didn’t really care what the others had to say. Hardeen drove Bane to the point of madness, touching and stroking his face with all the attention and care of a practiced sniper. The heat and pressure in Bane's stomach was becoming insistent. He wanted more.

He tugged Hardeen's waistband down. Humans were one of those weird species that stored their sexual organs on the outside. Hardeen moved to help, freeing that hardness that had been pressing into Bane's leg. Hardeen's cock was pink, slick at the top. Bane found the shape a little odd, but it was nothing he hadn’t seen before. It looked good, anyway.

He took hold of it, causing Hardeen to suck in a breath. At some point, they'd righted themselves in the bed. Bane gently stroked the shaft, watching Hardeen's face as it twisted with pleasure. His cock was hot in Bane's fist, so smooth as he squeezed upward to thumb at the pink head. Hardeen gasped softly.

His hands dropped to Bane's chest. He began working at the buttons on his shirt, and Bane was thankful he'd at least taken his armor off. It amused him to watch Hardeen struggle to undress him. Finally, he had success. He threw the shirt somewhere. They wouldn’t be needing it.

Bane moved to take off his hat, but Hardeen stopped him.

"Keep it on," Hardeen breathed, flushed, sweat glistening on his temples. "Please?"

Bane shot him a strange look, but he complied nonetheless. Evidently the hat worked for Hardeen, which was fair. It was a nice hat.

They set about undressing each other, hands on skin, mouths greeting new flesh with hot, greedy kisses. Soon, there was nothing left to take off, except Bane's hat.

They were both out of breath, skin on skin, sweaty and stupid. Hardeen, flat on his back beneath Bane, looked exactly how Bane wanted him. Helpless, hungry, lips parted and swollen. It was almost too good to ruin.

But, oh, how he planned to ruin him. Bane slid his fingers between his own legs, parting his slit to free his cock. All at once, the pressure in his stomach subsided. He leaned in to kiss Hardeen's shoulder bone, rubbing his face against the soft skin of Hardeen's neck.

He guided Hardeen's hand to his cock. When his hand closed instinctively around it, Bane smiled. Hardeen's touch was cautious, tentative. His breathing stilled.

"I don’t mean to be rude," Hardeen said, pushing himself up on one elbow, "but your... hardware works similar to mine, yes?"

"Why don’t you take charge and find out, big boy?" Bane said into his skin.

Hardeen parted his lips. "Wonderful. Yes. Straight away."

His hand moved slowly along the shaft. Gradually, caution melted into confidence, and his tight strokes became long and deliberate. Bane's cock was slightly longer than the average human's, though thinner. It fit perfectly into Hardeen's fist.

Bane murmured words of encouragement, his eyes half-lidded. He reached down and took hold of Hardeen again. As he stroked in rhythm with Hardeen, the human whined a pleased hum. His free hand came up and splayed against Bane's cheek. There was a slight tremble in his fingers.

Bane tilted his head to murmur into Hardeen's ear. "Not so tough now, are you?"

Hardeen swallowed through his gasps. "I could... say the same to you."

Bane tightened his grip on Hardeen's cock, growling. Hardeen hissed. "But you won’t."

"I might’ve guessed," Hardeen panted, "you'd get off on feeling in control. Predictable as always."

Bane swatted Hardeen's hands away from him, teeth clenched. He sat back on his haunches and, taking hold of Hardeen's thighs, split them open. Underneath his armor, Hardeen was slimmer than he appeared. He was solid, though, and beneath his skin Bane could feel taut muscle.

"I'll show you predictable," Bane growled.

"I'm sure," Hardeen said, though he grunted when Bane slipped a finger inside him.

Hardeen made the most delicious sounds as Bane stretched him. He gripped desperately at Bane's face, eyes squeezed shut, moaning through a bit lip. He'd been right - Bane _did_ get off on having control. And now, he had it entirely, Hardeen a grasping, helpless mess beneath him. It was, frankly, everything he'd wanted.

Bane had three fingers in when Hardeen started begging for more. He'd been using the slick from his own cock on his fingers. One of the little benefits of his biology that he only appreciated when he was with another species. Clear liquid dribbled down Hardeen's cock, but it was no good for lubrication. It just meant he wanted more. But Bane wasn’t going to be that easy.

"What was that?" he asked, burying his fingers to the knuckle in Hardeen.

"Put it in," Hardeen gritted.

Bane curled his fingers deep inside. Hardeen cursed in Mando'a, bucking his hips.

"I didn’t quite hear you," Bane said.

"Put it in!" Hardeen yelled. He cursed again.

Bane leaned forward to nip beneath Hardeen's chin. He tasted salt. "Aw, you’re ready for it? Well, you'd better ask me nicely."

Hardeen arched his back, digging his fingernails into Bane's skin. "Ah! Please?"

Bane hummed inquisitively.

"Please!"

Bane traced a circle around Hardeen's hole before pushing his fingers inside again. "Please what?"

"Cad. Fitting name," Hardeen hissed. He struggled for words for a moment before spitting, "Please fuck me."

Bane made a show of shrugging, straightening his hat. "Well, okay."

He lined himself up, bracing his hands on Hardeen's splayed thighs. He thrust his hips, and they both grunted as the slick tip of his cock slid inside.

The immediate tightness was amazing. He edged in further, pressing past the clustered glans at the tip to his green-slicked shaft. Hardeen let out a throaty whine, throwing his head back into the pillow. His cock bobbed against Bane's stomach as he thrust, dripping its useless clear slick onto Bane's skin.

Bane gritted his teeth. Every thrust sent frissons of pleasure up into his spine, clouding his head with an intense, muggy heat. And Hardeen beneath him, eyes squeezed shut, naked and open and wanting, looked good enough to eat.

For a while, they didn’t speak. The only sound was the creaking bed, the slap of skin on skin, wet and obscene, and their heavy, labored breathing. It felt too damn good to ruin with words.

Then Hardeen did, because Hardeen was good at ruining things.

"Harder," he gasped.

Bane smacked him on the thigh. "I'll go harder when I want to."

"Damnit, Bane!" He arched his back, pushing himself into Bane.

And it felt damn good, feeling the force of his hips slamming into him. Bane growled low in his throat, pressing his hands onto Hardeen's chest to push him into the bed. He leaned in to lick at a scar curving over his skin.

"You want harder?" he said lowly. "I'll give you harder."

Hardeen swallowed a pained cry as Bane _pushed_ into him. Hardeen's hole was so hot and tight, soft and wet as Bane's cock rammed in and out. Pleasure throbbed in his abdomen, an insistent cry of _yes_ echoing in his mind.

Hardeen moved to grab his own cock, but Bane slapped his hand away. Bane squeezed Hardeen's cock instead, pulling at the spot just below the head as he fucked him.

"Oh, F-" Hardeen gasped, cutting himself off. Distantly, Bane wondered what god he was going to invoke. He was unsure why his mind immediately supplied _Force_. But then, he didn’t really care who Hardeen prayed to, so long as he was swearing for him.

Heat was building in Bane's hips. He knew he was close to finishing. From the way Hardeen's cock was throbbing, he knew he was too. He'd be dead before he let Hardeen beat him at this. He forced his attention away from the tight wetness of Hardeen's hole, pumping his fist hard and fast along his cock.

Hardeen opened his eyes wide. He met Bane's gaze, curses tumbling from his lips. Then, with a strangled cry, he arched his back. Streams of hot, white cum shot from the tip of his cock, spurting along the intense throbbing of his shaft. It dribbled onto Bane's hand, coating between his fingers.

Inside, his abdomen flexed and spasmed. The unexpected flux of tension was too much for Bane. He cursed as he came hard, filling Hardeen with sticky green fluid.

It took a few blinding, white hot moments before they were able to move again. Where nothing but desire and heat had been before, Bane now felt drained and hazy. He pulled himself out of Hardeen, ignoring the pooling wetness beneath them. He collapsed next to Hardeen, wedging himself between the edge of the bed and Hardeen's side, feeling the rise and fall of Hardeen's chest.

For a while, they just basked in the afterglow. Bane watched as Hardeen's cock gradually shrank, which, despite having been around the block a few times, never failed to horrify him. Bane tucked his own cock back inside himself, hoping with all his might Hardeen wouldn’t make any curious comments about their differing anatomy.

"So, how does that work?" Hardeen asked with great interest.

"No," Bane said.

"I've heard Duros penises are always erect," Hardeen said. "But I never-"

"Lemme stop you right there," Bane said, putting a hand on Hardeen's chest. "You wanna know, look it up on the holonet."

Hardeen didn’t quite pout, but it was somewhere in that neighborhood. "Seems a waste, with a primary source right here."

"I'm not letting you use this against me someday like that Parwan," Bane said.

Hardeen grinned in bemusement. "How can knowing about your penis be used in bounty hunting?"

Bane shook his head. "I don’t wanna think about it."

Hardeen just shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Bane sat up, sliding so his feet touched the floor. He began the process of searching for his clothes. Hardeen simply watched, one leg outstretched, his arms folded behind his head. Bane glanced at him, then shook his head in disgust.

Hardeen just smiled, smug as ever.

Bane got dressed, ignoring Hardeen. As he buckled his belt, he made toward the door. Hardeen sat up.

"What, no kiss goodbye?" he asked.

Bane pulled a toothpick out from nowhere. He stuck it between his teeth. "Thanks for a good time," he said.

"Thank _you_ ," Hardeen said. He narrowed his eyes in a sly smile. It was the most Bane'd seen him smile since they'd met. Bastard. "I doubt we'll have time for this again."

"Probably not." Bane tipped his hat, punching the wall panel. The door opened behind him. "See you tomorrow, Hardeen."

Hardeen nodded. Bane stepped through the door, letting it close behind him. Sweaty, satisfied, and dog tired, he made for his room. With Hardeen out of his system, his head felt clear.

It was a nice perk of the job, an encounter like this. And tomorrow, when everything was said and done, he'd finally collect his payment and kiss that bastard Hardeen goodbye.

Well, not literally. He'd never give him the satisfaction.

**Author's Note:**

> we love kudos and comments in this house :)


End file.
